Excitement & Fear

Johnny got accepted into Berkeley!!! My boyfriend is really a genious and I am so very proud of him. We got the news last Thursday and ever since then my emotions have been going insane. I'm so scared to leave everything I know.. but I'm so excited to experience such a cool place as San Francisco. We are planning on living in Walnut Creek and getting a cute little house (if it doesn't cost to much to rent.) We've already talked to the puppies about being NorCal dogs for a couple of years (yes we explain things to our dogs.) I am ready to go! The only thing is, my fear and anxiety seems to hold me back from realizing the full excitment of the situation.

I'm afraid of the unknown. I have really bad anxiety attacks that come from being so fearful of the unknown. Yes, I am a free spirit, and yes I enjoy moving around... but to be uprooted from everything and everyone I know is scary to me.

Fortunatly, a couple of awesome people at my work hooked me up with a job in San Francisco so I can stay with my current company. I talked to the lady up there about the opportunity. She said she is going to offer the job to some of her current admins first, but she will let me know the beginning of next week. I HATE WAITING! I am so not a patient person, and when I want something done, I want it done NOW! I hate waiting on other people! It might be a good thing though... I need to realize again how to trust God with everything and not just what I want to give him.

I've been praying about this move and for God to take away my anxiety attacks over it. I think it's working! I get a little fearful still and feel like I'm going to have one, but it hasn't happened in a couple of days so hopefully I can breath easy for a while.

Johnny and I are flying up on May 22nd (thank God we're flying cause I don't think my anxiety could handle that car ride!) to look at places and, if this lady tells me next week the position is open, I am going to go to San Francisco to interview and visit the office. I am so excited and I hope the transition is fairly event free!

Please pray for Johnny & I and a smooth transition to our new life. I am soooo excited!!

Keep your fingers

War.. What is it good for? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

I'm not a political person. I have certain views and no information or facts to back them up. I believe what I believe because I feel in my heart I am right. Having said that, I think this war we are having is ridiculous. I was just on Facebook (love it) and read the status of an old friend of mine. Here is what it said:
Friend: Okay this Waterboarding issue is stupid...Abu Zubaydah is and always will be a Terrorist! He wants to kill US! What is wrong with dunking the guy to get information that will save and did save us?! Our 'interrogation' techniques are NOTHING like theirs!!! They start cutting off fingers than go to other limbs and than beheads as they get the information! UGH this is making me sick! Can you tell...LOL
Her other friend: Our nation is turning into a bunch of pu**ies! I say do whatever necessary to teach these motherf***era not to screw with motherf***in USA!
Me: Umm you guys are scaring me. Humans need to be treated like humans. So what if they do worse things in interrogation... does that mean we need to follow suit? We aren't a third world country lacking humanity for others and I hope we don't become one.
Friend: my dear Megan...love ya and actually am proud of your thinking but since I know only too well that those ANIMALS are not human like us. I know only too well how they kill and I have lost too many I love to what they did on 9/11 and that my Love continues to put his life out there knowing how evil these things are for you and I to be safe! We ... Read Morecannot look at them as humans...they are monsters! Water boarding is not extreme at all, turning up ACDC or keeping them in a cold room is not bad...but what they do to our troops, it makes me sick and our media does not let us know the extreme...I do know.
Her other friend: I agree wholeheartedly with you !!!
Friend: Oh I think there are many that agree with me...it's those that just don't get it. They have never had to hear the stories from those that are over there and just cry because your heart is breaking what these animals are all about....oh you know I wish I could say so much more....*wink* but if I did, I'd have to 'kill ya'...LOL *wink*
Me: To each his own :-)

I really don't understand. Human beings are "monsters"??!! I understand that certain people are more evil than others, and I agree that some people don't deserve air (like serial killer, child molesters, murderers and rapists) but I think everyone should have a fair trial no matter who they are or what they've done (or what country they've come from.) Just because our soldiers are given courtesies doesn't mean we need to turn around a torture others. That thought makes me sick. And what's with all these "Don't mess with fucking America" people? Really?? I understand the love of our nation, I really do... and I understand and believe that 911 was a tragedy that didn't need to happen, and I grieved like the rest of Americans and people worldwide; but at some point this hate and violence has to stop.

I'm for peace... and that's all I got today.

Mo Money Mo Problems!

So the above statement doesn't apply to me since I don't have any money. Lately I have been having some issues with NOT spending the small amount I have. Johnny has a little nest egg in the bank (a savings account) and when I miss work and my paychecks suck, he helps out with the money from savings. I don't know what it is that makes me want to spend every penny I get my hands on. Last week I got paid on Friday, I hate $1000. I spent $261 on my car registration renewal (CA sucks), $100 on car insurance, $70 at Costco, $25 at Home Depot, $25 on shoes and $90 on cigarettes (yay for cheap cartons.. I swear they save you money). Now all of a sudden I have $230 in my account. Is that possible?!?! I am so bad with money and I am HORRIBLE at saving it. I hope that my lack of experience being a "good money handler" doesn't effect my relationship with Johnny. I heard that money is the #1 or #2 reason people get divorced. I'm cool with living cheap and shopping at the 99 cent store... but when I have the cash, I go crazy swiping my card every which way!

I need a good book, or a class, to teach me how to save. I know this should be common knowledge for a person my age who has been on their own for so long... but I can't figure it out!

I'm having a hard time right now. Johnny's Grandma (Valerie aka Lala) passed away on Monday night. It's hard to see him in pain when there's nothing I can do to fix it.

I know it sounds weird, but I feel like something inside me has died. The second I watched her pass from this life to the next, I felt different. I can't shake this feeling and I can't describe it either. I wish that I could fix everything... Johnny's family, Johnny and me. Maybe it will just take time...

Or Not

So maybe it's not working but oh well... I'm still happy.

Johnny & I (and the puppies) are going out to the river tonight! I get to take two days of work off and spend 4 days in the gorgeous town of Blythe! Sorry for the sarcasm... but seriously, I'm really excited to just get away and use my PTO at work for something other than sleeping! It's not so bad getting a crappy paycheck when you used the time off to do something fun :-) Johnny and I always seem to compete every summer on who can get the tannest. Last summer I definitely lost, but the summer before I was the triumphant winner (mostly because I worked at an apartment complex and laid out at the pool with my boss every day during work for a couple of hours). This summer he has a head start, since he is on spring break right now, and I'm having to sit under these gay fluorescent lights all day. All I have to say is - Just wait until we get out at the river. I will literally get heatstroke if that's what it takes to beat him this time :-)

On the way home on Sunday, we are stopping at my friend Missy's house to see her big pregnant belly and meet her husband (finally!) I'm so excited to see my friend pregnant and can't wait to meet little Madelyn!

Feelin' Good!

For those of you who actually know me on a personal level, you know that I have Narcolepsy. You will also know that I have been struggling with tiredness every day and my job (and paychecks) have been effected greatly by this. The Dr.'s have been trying to figure out the correct dosage of medicine to see if it will help and that has been a great frustration to me (especially when nothing seems to be working!)

Good news - I think it's finally working! I have so much energy today and I feel good. I didn't once even think about being tired. Although tonight I might go home and sit on the couch and veg, at least I made it through the day without having to talk myself through it (AND with only 1 cup of Cappuccino!!) I hope it sticks and this isn't a fluke. I'm ready to conquer the world and do the things I was never able to do without taking a nap half way through... or maybe just enjoy life a little more with a clear head!

I hate having to take medicine everyday, but if it makes me feel "normal" (or something close to it) then I'm stoked!

It's a good day :-)

Thanks Stacy :-)

Here is the deal: The first four people to comment on this post will get something made by me.
My choice.
For you.
This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It'll be done this year.
4- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be photography, I may sew or paint something. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely creative.


The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your own blog and offer the same deal to 4 of your own lucky blog readers. So, the first 4 people to leave a comment telling me they are in, win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it.